Divorce can bring up a lot of complex feelings, which can make it difficult to navigate while parenting. It is common for parents to become overwhelmed with their own emotions, making it difficult to manage the day to day tasks. Ensuring your children’s emotional well-being while navigating the complexities of co-parenting can be difficult, but it is possible with patience, communication, and cooperation. Below are some helpful strategies for co-parenting that assist in creating a healthy, supportive environment for your child(ren) during a difficult transition.

Best Interest of the Child(ren): research shows that maintaining a united front with your co parent can reduce children’s anxieties, help them adjust to the transitions, as well as feel supported by both parents. A child-focused approach means making decisions that are in the best interest of the child(ren) while supporting their relationship with both parents. 

Maintain Open, Respectful Communication: communicating with your co-parenting can be difficult given the complicated emotions that can arise during a separation and/or divorce. However, a key component to a successful co-parenting relationship is to maintain effective communication. By keeping the conversations focused on the child(ren)’s needs, maintaining clear and open lines of communication and engaging in regular check-ins (i.e., school events, extracurricular activities, and medical appointments), misunderstandings and conflict can be minimized. Here are some tools that may help you and your co-parent communicate more effectively: 

• Utilize tools like shared calendars or co-parenting apps (e.g., OurFamilyWizard, Cozi) to track schedules, appointments, and communication can reduce miscommunication and offer a neutral space for both parents to stay organized 

• Educate yourself around BIFF responses (brief, informative, firm and friendly) and how to implement them while communicating with your co-parent 

Collaboratively Create a Co-Parenting Plan: a parenting plan is key when it comes to co-parenting in order to ensure stability for your child(ren) and mitigate conflict (pertaining to parenting time and decision-making). A co-parenting plan can assist in collaboratively identifying parenting time, decision making, and routines (holidays, birthdays, special occasions, etc.) while ensuring the best interest of the child(ren)’s. The following suggestions may be helpful to keep in mind while creating a co-parenting plan:

• Engaging in co-parenting coaching or mediation to ensure both parents voices are heard

• Maintain flexibility to accommodate unexpected changes to the parenting plan 

• Collaborate with your co-parent around creating similar routines for both households as routine and consistency help children with transitions      

Avoid Putting Your Children in the Middle: it is common for children to feel put in the middle or torn between their parents during a separation and/or divorce. Moreover, they may feel like they have to take sides or that they are responsible for the conflict. If your child(ren) asks about the separation or divorce, try to keep responses age-appropriate and neutral. There are some strategies highlighted below to help you support your child(ren) during this transition:

• Ensure you do not use your child(ren) as a messenger or form of communication between you and your co-parent

• Reminder to avoid discussing adult content, conflict, or details of the separation/divorce in front of, around, or directly to your child(ren) 

• Refrain from speaking negatively about your co-parent when your child(ren) are around

• Provide reassurance to your child(ren) that both parents love them and this has nothing to do with them   

Be Respectful of Each Other’s Time with their Child(ren): one of the most challenging aspects of co-parenting can be adjusting to a new schedule and sharing time with your child(ren). Research shows children thrive when they have a relationship with both parents, therefore, it is important to respect your co-parents time with their child(ren). If any issues arise, try to address them directly with your co-parent privately rather than in front of the child(ren). It's important to remember to be flexible with schedules to accommodate important events (i.e., family celebrations, school activities, etc.). Cooperation in these moments can ease tension and create a smoother co-parenting experience.

Manage Your Own Emotions: co-parenting effectively requires emotional regulation as separation and/or divorce can often trigger intense emotions (such as anger, sadness, and frustration). However, these emotions should not be directed toward the co parent - especially  in front of the child(ren). Emotional self-regulation and seeking support (i.e., therapy, support groups, or trusted friends) can help manage these feelings more effectively and model healthy emotional coping for your child(ren).  

Consider Professional Help if Needed: co-parenting can be challenging, especially when there are high levels of conflict or complex family dynamics. Co-parenting coaching, family therapy or mediation can be useful tools for improving communication and resolving conflicts.  

• A co-parenting coach or mediator can help both parents develop strategies for cooperation and create a parenting plan that works for everyone involved

• Family therapy or therapy for you or your child(ren) can help process the emotional effects of the divorce and adjust to the new family structure

Be Patient with the Process: like all relationships, your co-parenting relationship will evolve and change over time. Be patient with yourself, your co-parent and your child(ren) as everyone transitions to the new family dynamics. Remember to celebrate the small successes and acknowledge progress as you work through challenges together.

Co-parenting during and after a divorce is undeniably challenging but it is possible to create a positive experience for everyone involved. Remember, successful co-parenting requires collaboration — not perfection.