The label “narcissist” or “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” has become increasingly popular. However, these labels tend to be utilized out of context without accurate knowledge around what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is. Having a relationship with someone who is diagnosed with NPD and/or has symptoms that align with NPD can be detrimental to an individual's emotional and psychological well-being. Narcissistic abuse is prevalent in relationships and intimate partner violence, therefore, it is important to learn about the signs, symptoms, impact, and how to navigate these experiences.       

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that consists of a pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, lack of empathy, and a heightened sense of self importance. According to the DSM-5, individuals will exhibit some (minimum of 5) of the following symptoms:

• Grandiose sense of self-importance (i.e., exaggerating achievements, expecting to be recognized as superior even without comparable achievements) 

• Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, and idealization

• Belief in being “special” and that they can only be understood by or associated with other high-status people

• Demanding excessive admiration

• Sense of entitlement

• Exploitation behaviours

• Lack of empathy

• Envy towards others or belief that others are envious of them

• Arrogant, haughty, behaviours and attitudes  

Individuals with NPD typically experience tumultuous relationships and have difficulty maintaining real friendships or deep connections, resulting in increased isolation.   

What is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that is a result of narcissistic behaviours. This type of abuse can take many different forms, including: emotional, psychological, and/or physical. Narcissistic abuse can occur in all types of relationships (platonic, familial, or romantic). There are many signs of narcissistic abuse including: manipulating and mistreating others to gain something, gaslighting, sabotaging, love-bombing, lying, and distorting reality.  

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

Signs of narcissistic abuse may include the following:

• Gaslighting: denying an event that happened, questioning the other person’s memory, or minimizing how the other person feels

• Dishonesty: lie to cover up feelings of insecurity or shame or fabricate a story to make themselves the hero or the victim 

• Controlling: experience insecurity, jealousy, or suspicion which may lead to controlling another person’s actions or interactions

• Exploitation: take advantage of others for their own gain

• Lack of Empathy: unable to empathize with another person’s feelings or see their perspective (which may result in harmful behaviour, neglect, emotional coldness, or distance)

• Belittling or Devaluing: dismiss other people’s achievements or worth (insults, humiliation, degrade, or belittling them)

• Intimidation: showing aggressiveness, intimidating behaviour, bullying, or manipulation

• Volatile Behaviour: irrational and unpredictable responses that may result in people feeling as they are walking on eggshells around them

• Rage: sudden uncontrolled rage that causes distress

• Emotional Blackmail: threats if the other person isn’t behaving how they want them too 

• Punishing: vindictive behaviour, seeking revenge and/or punishment on anyone who disagrees with them or doesn’t do as they want

Impacts of Narcissistic Abuse

Being in a narcissistic abusive relationship can cause significant harm, leading to long-term emotional and psychological damage. These traumatic experiences can impact your life in the following ways:

• Anxiety (anxiety attacks, hypervigilance, panic attacks, separation anxiety with abuser)

• Depression (feelings of worthlessness)

• Post-Traumatic Stress (high alert, looking out for danger, fight or flight response)

• Loss of Sense of Self and Self-Worth (lack of trust, feeling not enough, difficulty making decisions, shame, embarrassment, feeling unworthy, etc.)

• Inability to Forgive Yourself (believing something is inherently wrong with you and that the abuser would have treated you better if you did things differently)

• Physical Symptoms (difficulty sleeping, nightmares, difficulty turning off your brain)

• Cognitive Issues (difficulty concentrating, memory loss, etc)

• Emotional Impact (mood swings, irritability, emotionless/numbness)   

If you are in, have been in, or aren’t sure if you are/were in a relationship consistent with narcissistic abuse, please reach out to a trusted trauma-informed professional who can help identify narcissistic behaviours, cycles, and signs (within relationships) while providing extra support around any traumatic experiences.   

If you are an individual who is diagnosed and/or have symptoms aligned with NPD, please reach out to a trusted professional to learn healthy ways to communicate, cope with conflicts or emotional distress, and seek guidance.