Struggling with day to day life is common, especially this time of year. It doesn’t help that the internet is flooded with uplifting quotes - like “just be positive” - which may add feelings of guilt or shame when we are struggling or feeling low. While these phrases are meant to inspire in a helpful way, it can create a toxic narrative along the lines of “why can’t I just be positive” or “what is wrong with me”. This message can be amplified when struggling with symptoms of mental health. 

Toxic positivity can appear as lacking empathy and typically involves dismissing someone else’s emotions, experiences, or struggles. It can often feel invalidating and isolating. As individuals, we may not feel comfortable or know how to have a difficult or upsetting conversation. Therefore, we fall back on statements we think will help someone feel better, but in reality it typically tends to create a disconnect, resulting in them shutting down. 

Research suggests that avoiding uncomfortable feelings tends to create more discomfort and/or hurt in the long run. Happiness does not come from avoiding all negative emotions and focusing on feel-good statements, with that being said, not all positivity is negative or bad. 

If you are looking to incorporate positivity into your life while avoiding toxic positivity here are some helpful tips:

• Practice Mindfulness: connecting with your mind and body allows you to identify what emotions you are feeling, where they are coming from, and what you need in that moment. Doing this will allow you to notice what is going on in your body and connect in a more authentic way with yourself and your emotions.

• Acceptance and Self Compassion: making room for self compassion around all emotions and letting it be okay that that is what you are feeling in the moment. By leaning into our emotions, we can provide the space to process and move through them in a non judgemental, loving manner.

• Expression and Clarification: learning to identify and express a full range of emotions and what you need in that moment. Being able to clarify what you are looking for from someone can be helpful when discussing your emotions. For example, “I am looking for advice” versus “I am looking for someone to listen”. 

• Reaching out for Support: sometimes we need some extra support or resources to get through the day and that is okay. Reaching out to a loved one or professional can provide a safe environment for you to process your emotions while feeling validated and learn new coping skills. 

#toxicpositivity #mentalhealth #selfcompassion #depression #anxiety